Q: “How do you deal with always being imperfect and knowing you fall short of God’s calling?”

A: What a great question. I think most followers of Christ are wondering the same thing. When you recognize your fallible nature and you serve an infallible God it can mess with your head. I struggled for years fearful I would mess up unintentionally. What I have learned is, God really loves me. His Word and promises to me are true whether I mess it up or not. Let’s break that down.

1. God is love( John 4: 7:21) regardless of my abilities to love God back. God loved us when we were yet sinners(Romans 5:8). When you embrace this life-altering truth you can rest in this love. I have a few examples that may bring more insight. When I was pregnant with my fourth baby, I was on bed rest. I wasn’t able to drive my car, pick up my small children and not able to serve God in the capacities I had prior. I felt bad as a wife, mother, and follower of Christ. God spoke into my fog, “I will love you the same if you never get up out of that chair.” The revelation that followed was-God really loves me. It is not dependant on my service. He doesn’t love me because I teach Bible study. His love is not dependant on my roles. I would soon realize my husband loved me regardless if I cleaned the house or bought groceries. Love is bigger than what you can do for me. Love is not a 50/50 formula. Love is 100/100. I give you my unconditional love and expect nothing in return. It was a great lesson on what love was and I needed to fully embrace it. As you might assume, it was a life-changing moment for me. I have been able to relax in a love that is certainly not dependant on me. Another example is how a parent loves a child. You might get mad. They may disappoint you at times but your love is always there and always will be.

2. God’s promises for me are true( 1 Corinthians 1:9). The Bible is full of promises. If God did it once He can do it again. His promises are true for me. Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” It is by God’s divine power we were born into this world. God knew us before the world knew we existed. God does not make mistakes. You are here on purpose for a purpose. That being said we all have a calling. It can be exciting and overwhelming to settle into this truth. His promises are true despite of us. Can you mess it up? Yes, you can make things harder for yourself. Yes, you can delay what God has for you. Yes, you can decide to not walk according to His way. We have free will. I will provide some examples.

a. Abraham: God gave Abraham the promise that he would have a son from his own body. Abraham was impatient and listened to his wife instead of God. He had a child with his maidservant. He created a mess. Abraham did have a son from his own body his way. It caused strife in his marriage and the burden of having a son that was not welcomed into his immediate family. It had to hurt. It took time, in God’s time, Abraham had the promised son(Genesis 15 & 21).

b. David: David was anointed to be king as a young lad. God’s hand was on him at a young age. He became king at the age of 30 (2 Samuel 5:4). In 2 Samuel 11, we read about David’s sin. David was king. David was married and caught a glimpse of an attractive woman bathing on her roof. He lusted after her. He made it happen. He had an affair. She was also married. He then sought to kill her husband so that she could be his. It sounds like, a clip of dramatic television program, but it happened. David created a mess with his sin. He had to live with the consequences of it. However, David fulfilled his calling as King of Israel. He was of the house or lineage that Jesus came from. What an honor!

c. Israelites: A promise was given to Israel to enter the Promised Land(Exodus 4). The Israelites watched God battle Pharoah(Exodus 7-12). They walked through the parted Red Sea(Exodus 13:22). They drank water that came forth from a rock( Exodus 15:22-27). However, the Israelites thought more of their wants than obeying a God who met all their needs. The Promise Land was obtained but not by the original group. They were defiant(Numbers 14:2, Exodus 16:2) Their children obtained their promise(Joshua 1-24).

3. Our Confidence lies in who God is not in who we are. We all fall short of the glory of God(Romans 3:23-26). God wants to be first in our minds and hearts. He wants us to seek Him. He wants us to obey Him. He provides a way out when we do not. A truly repentant heart will not be a repeat offender. God cares most about how you love him and your willingness to obey than your flaws. He will accomplish His will for you if you don’t get in His way.

I encourage you to pray and ask God to lead guide and direct your path. He will be faithful to do so. When you see errors of your way repent and ask God to help you not to do it again. Ask God for a strategy for how to live. Read the Word. Obey the Lord. The Confidence comes from knowing He loves you so much and if you love Him then He will give the desire of your heart. Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

The Holiday Hurt: The Loss of Perfection

The Holiday Hurt: The Loss of Perfection

There are more suicides in the holidays and winter months than at any other time of the year. Why, is that?

I think it is because of the idealism that surrounds this time of the year. No one can measure up.

Consider the single mom who can barely keep food on the table and now she has to come up with presents. The season is not about gifts however tell that to the mother who has nothing for her babies. It hurts. To her, it is a failure.

Consider the father who just lost his job. He has to come home and look at his wife in the eyes and share the disappointment of not enough. It hurts. To him, its failure.

The marriage that broke this year and the entire family feels broken and a new normal must be formed. It hurts. It feels like failure.

Christmas is not magic. Christmas is a day. Christmas can be beautiful and it can be hard just like other seasons of life. Somehow the sting is deeper now. The Hallmark movies show us that if we have problems they will be solved in two hours or less and the entire town will help. The reality of Christmas can be a letdown.

The pressure to have enough and be enough is too much for some. It is okay not to have a good Christmas. Acknowledge where you are and make a reasonable plan to achieve a good day. A good day, not the best day ever.

My Christmas traditions have evolved since my kids were little. I now work full time and have a full-time ministry. I do my best to have at least one day to be at home with my immediate family. I cook each member’s favorite and ask my husband to help.

We buy what we can afford. I schedule other activities that will be nice and not cause stress. I say no. I shop early and online. We put up some but not all of our decorations. Guess what? It is okay. I have had Christmas days I have cried through and wanted to skip. I have sweet memories of good Christmas days that I treasure. And everything in between. Christmas will come and will go.

If you are hurting, you are not alone. If this Christmas has you grieving be kind to yourself. Grief can be from any loss not, just death. Losing a job or moving your family can cause hardship and loneliness. Divorce can interrupt your dreams and the family you hoped for. It is okay to grieve for what you wanted and didn’t work out.

Be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath. It is for one day. You can do it!

How to Help and Not Hurt the Grieving at the Holidays

How To Help, and Not Hurt the Grieving at the Holidays.

  1. Invite but do not expect: Always include the grieving however, give them a way out. Let them know you want them to participate and you are okay if they cannot.
  2. Give them permission: Grant permission to be however they feel. Let them know if it gets too much they can leave and no one will be hurt.
  3. Share your care: Say in your words that you care, you realize they are tender and you’re here.
  4. Do not give advice: Do not tell the griever how they should feel. Do not tell them what they should do. It is not your grief, it is theirs alone.
  5. Different is okay: Everyone is unique and so is the grief. You may not feel the same or need the same things.
  6. Ask if they need to talk or share.
  7. Ask what they would like to do in your time together. Do they want to do the same traditions or try something new?
  8. Honor their beloved: Do not avoid talking about the deceased. Sharing memories or saving an empty chair is a nice way to honor the loved one.

Comfort Yourself First

Comfort yourself like you comfort others. Why can we support others in their pain and not ourselves? I can be a champion at comforting a friend. I will reassure them and remind them they are human. It is easy for me to see they are vulnerable and don’t always chose what is best. Yet, when I am alone with my thoughts, I am hard and harsh. We need to be a friend to ourselves first. Love, Love