The Holiday Hurt: The Loss of Perfection
There are more suicides in the holidays and winter months than at any other time of the year. Why, is that?
I think it is because of the idealism that surrounds this time of the year. No one can measure up.
Consider the single mom who can barely keep food on the table and now she has to come up with presents. The season is not about gifts however tell that to the mother who has nothing for her babies. It hurts. To her, it is a failure.
Consider the father who just lost his job. He has to come home and look at his wife in the eyes and share the disappointment of not enough. It hurts. To him, its failure.
The marriage that broke this year and the entire family feels broken and a new normal must be formed. It hurts. It feels like failure.
Christmas is not magic. Christmas is a day. Christmas can be beautiful and it can be hard just like other seasons of life. Somehow the sting is deeper now. The Hallmark movies show us that if we have problems they will be solved in two hours or less and the entire town will help. The reality of Christmas can be a letdown.
The pressure to have enough and be enough is too much for some. It is okay not to have a good Christmas. Acknowledge where you are and make a reasonable plan to achieve a good day. A good day, not the best day ever.
My Christmas traditions have evolved since my kids were little. I now work full time and have a full-time ministry. I do my best to have at least one day to be at home with my immediate family. I cook each member’s favorite and ask my husband to help.
We buy what we can afford. I schedule other activities that will be nice and not cause stress. I say no. I shop early and online. We put up some but not all of our decorations. Guess what? It is okay. I have had Christmas days I have cried through and wanted to skip. I have sweet memories of good Christmas days that I treasure. And everything in between. Christmas will come and will go.
If you are hurting, you are not alone. If this Christmas has you grieving be kind to yourself. Grief can be from any loss not, just death. Losing a job or moving your family can cause hardship and loneliness. Divorce can interrupt your dreams and the family you hoped for. It is okay to grieve for what you wanted and didn’t work out.
Be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath. It is for one day. You can do it!