A grateful person is one of pure joy. Joy finds a way to rise to the surface even in
the darkest of hours. In every moment of every challenge, there has always been
something to spark gratitude. Until you have lived a tragedy, you might have
never known joy.
It is the hardships in life that we can now hold up to smaller inconveniences and
realize they are just that. “The Joy of the Lord is our strength.” Psalms 28:7. This
verse has perplexed me for how can joy, a feeling of happiness provide strength?
A tour through the scriptures will help us realize it is much more.
Joy according to scmonitor.com is a “fuller, spiritual meaning of expressing God’s
goodness.… Deep-rooted, inspired happiness.” Happiness is fleeting, here-today
and-gone-tomorrow feeling. Joy is stability in the goodness of God
James 1:2, “My brethren, count it all joy, when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”
How can one find joy in difficulty?
Consider this, you have just learned that you must go through a physically painful
transformation of almost a year. You will not be yourself. You will have trouble
sleeping, eating, and being unable to enjoy other comforts in life. You will certainly
gain weight during this time and your body will never be the same because this
challenge has lasting effects. It might be the hardest and most painful experience
you will ever feel. Would you feel happy? NO. What if you realized it is a
pregnancy? That is an entirely different situation. The joy of a child considering
what you will go through will be worth it.
That is the essence of joy. You will earn the joy for it is deep-rooted in hardship.
The pain will have a purpose. Seek joy always!
Tag: #grieving #mourning #loss
The Holiday Hurt: The Loss of Perfection
The Holiday Hurt: The Loss of Perfection
There are more suicides in the holidays and winter months than at any other time of the year. Why, is that?
I think it is because of the idealism that surrounds this time of the year. No one can measure up.
Consider the single mom who can barely keep food on the table and now she has to come up with presents. The season is not about gifts however tell that to the mother who has nothing for her babies. It hurts. To her, it is a failure.
Consider the father who just lost his job. He has to come home and look at his wife in the eyes and share the disappointment of not enough. It hurts. To him, its failure.
The marriage that broke this year and the entire family feels broken and a new normal must be formed. It hurts. It feels like failure.
Christmas is not magic. Christmas is a day. Christmas can be beautiful and it can be hard just like other seasons of life. Somehow the sting is deeper now. The Hallmark movies show us that if we have problems they will be solved in two hours or less and the entire town will help. The reality of Christmas can be a letdown.
The pressure to have enough and be enough is too much for some. It is okay not to have a good Christmas. Acknowledge where you are and make a reasonable plan to achieve a good day. A good day, not the best day ever.
My Christmas traditions have evolved since my kids were little. I now work full time and have a full-time ministry. I do my best to have at least one day to be at home with my immediate family. I cook each member’s favorite and ask my husband to help.
We buy what we can afford. I schedule other activities that will be nice and not cause stress. I say no. I shop early and online. We put up some but not all of our decorations. Guess what? It is okay. I have had Christmas days I have cried through and wanted to skip. I have sweet memories of good Christmas days that I treasure. And everything in between. Christmas will come and will go.
If you are hurting, you are not alone. If this Christmas has you grieving be kind to yourself. Grief can be from any loss not, just death. Losing a job or moving your family can cause hardship and loneliness. Divorce can interrupt your dreams and the family you hoped for. It is okay to grieve for what you wanted and didn’t work out.
Be kind to yourself. Take a deep breath. It is for one day. You can do it!
How to Help and Not Hurt the Grieving at the Holidays
How To Help, and Not Hurt the Grieving at the Holidays.
- Invite but do not expect: Always include the grieving however, give them a way out. Let them know you want them to participate and you are okay if they cannot.
- Give them permission: Grant permission to be however they feel. Let them know if it gets too much they can leave and no one will be hurt.
- Share your care: Say in your words that you care, you realize they are tender and you’re here.
- Do not give advice: Do not tell the griever how they should feel. Do not tell them what they should do. It is not your grief, it is theirs alone.
- Different is okay: Everyone is unique and so is the grief. You may not feel the same or need the same things.
- Ask if they need to talk or share.
- Ask what they would like to do in your time together. Do they want to do the same traditions or try something new?
- Honor their beloved: Do not avoid talking about the deceased. Sharing memories or saving an empty chair is a nice way to honor the loved one.