If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times. Life is hard, but man is it. Sometimes crisis hits and you crumble to the floor. If you have kids you will probably hide it. Oh girl, do I get it. To a point, we can shelter children from adult problems, like bills. You can share emotions without sharing the burden. What I mean is, if grandpa died share your grief. Children have feelings. It is healthy for a child to grieve too. Share the promise of eternity but also share your sadness. Kids are smart. They feel and have the intuition to know when things are not right. It is confusing to a child for you to say “everything is fine,” when they feel the sadness in the air. They see adults’ continence be somber when their words say all is good.
A solution for this is to share grief in terms they can understand.
- Say the words death, dying, or died. It helps them define it.
- Tell the truth.
- Then give them context of how we handle death in your family. Explain the funeral traditions, what they will hear and see.
- Then ask what they would like to do. Some children will want to be involved while others would prefer to stand back and watch. Let them know both are okay. This will allow them to feel some sense of security and control.
- Allow your child to talk about it. Children at times might say things that seem cold or odd. That is normal. The situation is new to them. They are feeling it out. An example, is grandpa dead? Will worms eat him? Can I play trucks? This is uneasy. Just know it is how a child handles it.
- Cry with them. Hold them until they let go.
- Teens will want to be alone or with friends. Even though it is a family situation, teens seek comfort from friends first. Allow them too. Don’t pressure them to be an adult yet.
- Check-in from time to time and ask if your child wants to talk.
- Look for changes in their behaviors in the months ahead. For example, bed wetting, angry outbursts, tearful episodes, grades dropping, or social interactions changing.
- Counseling is a great option for kids. It’s a safe place to talk without feeling responsible for the adults around you.
