UNDERSTANDING LOVE LANGUAGES
I love books. Some books have literally changed my life by changing my outlook. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman is one of those.
As a young married couple, I was struggling with the normal tug of wanting things to be the way I needed them to be. I have always been a good communicator. I believe I was telling my husband what I needed. I knew he loved me. My attitude was if he loved me, he would…fill in the blank.
I read Chapman’s book and put it to practice. Instead of seeing my husband through the eyes of disappointment, I started seeing him through his love language. Surprise, surprise my husband is not like me. He responds differently to situations than I do. He loves differently than I do.
Reflecting on who he loves and how he shows it to those he loves was the answer. Guess what? He loves me! My hubby is a doer and gift giver. I on the other hand show love by speaking words and spending time. I felt unloved when he did not write me letters or express verbally what I longed to hear. Stepping back was a game changer. Not a snowy day passed that my sidewalk was not cleared before he went to work. For a stay-at-home mom it seemed silly but now I know that was my words. Instead of dropping everything to sit and cuddle he would buy me something that I mentioned one-time months ago that I liked.
As I began to appreciate the way he loved me an interesting thing happened. He started showing me the way I wanted as well. I can say I grew too. I try to remember that he would feel loved if I washed his truck. I went from feeling frustrated to feeling incredibly grateful. Life is funny. We do not always get what we want but we get what we need. I got my prince. I just needed to understand how to appreciate him.