Ever heard the phrase if you’re going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. I don’t know where it came from but it is a great reminder and is definitely important in parenting. However, what I see going wrong is, parents show what they think is best not exposing their true struggle. Life is hard. Kids are small adults. The package is different but the emotions are the same. Model what to do. Failure is a tough one. Let me share an example with you. A single mom who recently came to Christ. She now views her parenting in a different light. She feels like a failure. She knows her children are old enough to see the old patterns and new ways.
Everyone experiences failure. Man, it hurts to fail in front of your children. What a teachable moment. You want them to remember this is how it was and once you identify the problem you make goals to change it. Failure is not the end of the sentence. Instead, put a comma. Show your child the difference Jesus can make in your life. Read the Bible together and create a strategy for change to line up with His word. I guarantee your child will gain respect and lifelong tools for success. Is that failure? No way.
This topic has come up more than any others in conversations with other moms of teens. I value the truth. Do you remember being their age? Man, I would not repeat those years. I was so insecure and had more questions than answers. I wondered how my parents were? How did they do at some of these temptations? I knew right from wrong. When everyone is doing this or that staying pure in actions seems old school or impossible. Parents just don’t understand!!!
A problem is parents tell kids what they want them to do, not how they navigated those rough waters. Kids ultimately want to please their parents. These youths are not perfect and neither are we.
I chose to share with my kids my flaws. I have told them things of which I was ashamed. I told stories that were hard to say. Not only did I state the facts, I added the emotional regret that comes with poor choices. This is a great segway to the Bible. Kids want to know why not just no.
There is a time and place to say “because I said so.” Not here. My children were at the edge of their seats when I shared my sin. I gave insight to excuses I made why it was okay. At this point, I share what God says and how His Word cannot only keep us pure but live a life with no regrets. Some things just can’t be undone. The open dialogue was a good foundation for the following years. Kids want our advice but they want to trust you to tell the truth. Respect goes both ways. I know it’s hard to see your sin through their eyes but you want to be their advocate, not their boss. Life is hard. We all need a soft place to fall.
No one prepared me for this part of parenting. Sister, I don’t know about you, but this stage is hard! When asked to introduce myself I share that I am married and have three half-grown kiddos. The punchline is two are legally adults but they don’t always act like it. How do you balance giving advice but not suffocating them?
I feel my kids cringing, as I type. And yes, if you wonder, they will read this blog. “How sweet that they read your content,” you say, no, they will read so they can bring it up! The half-grown love a good argument!
A constant prayer has been for the Lord to allow me to parent like Him. I ask to know when to hold close and when to let go. When they are little it’s easier to know because they will say exactly what they need. Hold me! Let me do it! When they get big they want to do it themselves but will not ask for help if it kills them. Inside they can be crumbling and out of their mouths, “gosh mom, I am fine, quit making a big deal of everything!”
I am in the midst of this season, so this blog can be taken with a grain of salt.
My husband and I survived a prodigal. I thought we would never survive. It’s that heartache and struggle from which I now parent.
I have some truths under my belt now. This is a short list of my go-to truths in this season of life. Are you with me, momma? We can get through this!
God is faithful. Our job is to plant the seed.
Live by example.
Let go of little things. There are so many little things and to each one this is defined differently. For me the clean bedroom is not so important. Lying is a big deal. I focus on building trust.
They are listening, always listening. Important life lessons can be taught in conversation better than corrective times. When they share what their friends are doing for example.
Ask questions, get them thinking. Our children are smarter than we give them credit.
Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong it probably is. Try to chase them down and hug them. Just reassure, don’t pry.
Let them have their secrets. You don’t need to know everything, momma. When they share shocking information-don’t freak out!!!
Spend time their way. Text, facetime or lay on their bed. Time is precious. Remember “Cats In The Cradle” song by Harry Chapman Carpenter?
Remember God knew who you were and what you are capable of when He gave you this child. You’ve got this! Don’t be a friend, be mom, it’s time to transition to a big kid mom and that takes time.
My prodigal came home. God is faithful. Parenting is a challenge at every stage. Sometimes I just want to go back to laying on the floor playing tractors. It felt simple. Now, its late-night conversations. It’s all good!
