Author: admin

DON’T LOOK BACK!!

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Recently, I encountered a life change that was hard. Change is hard, isn’t it ladies? I knew it was coming. I had been praying into it for a few years. God was faithful and in an instant what was, was no more. I found myself looking back. I was sad. Grieving a life change is not only good, but healthy. The problem was I was looking back longing. 

When I prayed about it through teary eyes, God said “grieve if you must, but it’s time to pick a side, you can’t straddle the fence.” I knew what He meant. I had prayed for two years. He answered my prayer and I was bordering ungratefulness.

I remembered Lot’s wife. You can read the story in Genesis 19:16-26. Angels were sent to rescue Lot and his family from Sodom. The sin was out of control and God destroyed the city. The Lord sent angels to bring Lot’s family out as the one and only family of believers.  In a mad dash, the family fled. As they did, a fire stormed down on the town. The Lord’s instruction upon exiting was don’t look back. She did. You might think well, it’s storming fire, who wouldn’t look. That is not what happened here. Her look back was one of sadness and longing of what she lost in obedience to God. 

As I write this I feel the sting of the truth. Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt. Not only do I not want to be a salt shaker, but I also don’t want to hurt God. God is so good. He is faithful. He asks only that I am grateful. 

Lord, forgive this silly woman for her grieving what was not in your plan. I want you and I want what you want. 

11 WAYS TO PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND

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Men don’t always share what they need. We know they need prayer, but will they ask for it. I have been married 26 years and I don’t remember my man ever saying will you pray for me? I on the other hand ask all the time. I am grateful that I know He does. I pray fervently for him anyway-that will teach him!!! 

When we lie in bed he is always the first one to doze off. I simply lay my hand on his head, chest, or arm and pray over him. I will pray over his tired working body. I know he needs it and appreciates it. Occasionally, I even hear him say something that I know I prayed for him about. God is listening.

Each man is different but this is a general idea:

  • Pray for his physical body to be restored as he sleeps. 
  • Pray for specific issues of health he has or predisposed to genetically. For my guy it’s the heart.
  • Pray that he knows and feels God’s love for him.
  • Pray that he knows and feels my love and appreciation for him.
  • Pray that we can love each other how God intends.
  • Pray God’s will for his life.
  • Pray for wisdom in all his decision making. 
  • Pray for his leadership of the family to be in line with God’s plans.
  • Pray for God to show you how to love this man.
  • Pray for his relationships with friends and family to be fruitful and encouraging.
  • Pray that he be encouraged and have joy. The joy of the Lord is our strength. Nehemiah 8:10

Your man will thank you for praying for him even if he doesn’t know how much he needs it. Most of our fellas work hard and get very little thanks. We need them. They need us too. More importantly, we need God.

GRIEF: BEING STRONG FOR THE KIDS

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If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times. Life is hard, but man is it. Sometimes crisis hits and you crumble to the floor. If you have kids you will probably hide it. Oh girl, do I get it. To a point, we can shelter children from adult problems, like bills. You can share emotions without sharing the burden. What I mean is, if grandpa died share your grief. Children have feelings. It is healthy for a child to grieve too. Share the promise of eternity but also share your sadness. Kids are smart. They feel and have the intuition to know when things are not right. It is confusing to a child for you to say “everything is fine,” when they feel the sadness in the air. They see adults’ continence be somber when their words say all is good. 

A solution for this is to share grief in terms they can understand. 

  • Say the words death, dying, or died. It helps them define it. 
  • Tell the truth. 
  • Then give them context of how we handle death in your family. Explain the funeral traditions, what they will hear and see. 
  • Then ask what they would like to do. Some children will want to be involved while others would prefer to stand back and watch. Let them know both are okay. This will allow them to feel some sense of security and control.
  • Allow your child to talk about it. Children at times might say things that seem cold or odd. That is normal. The situation is new to them. They are feeling it out. An example, is grandpa dead? Will worms eat him? Can I play trucks? This is uneasy. Just know it is how a child handles it. 
  • Cry with them. Hold them until they let go.
  • Teens will want to be alone or with friends. Even though it is a family situation, teens seek comfort from friends first. Allow them too. Don’t pressure them to be an adult yet.
  • Check-in from time to time and ask if your child wants to talk. 
  • Look for changes in their behaviors in the months ahead. For example, bed wetting, angry outbursts, tearful episodes, grades dropping, or social interactions changing. 
  • Counseling is a great option for kids. It’s a safe place to talk without feeling responsible for the adults around you. 

TEACHABLE MOMENTS: FAILURE

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TEACHABLE MOMENTS:FAILURE

Ever heard the phrase if you’re going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. I don’t know where it came from but it is a great reminder and is definitely important in parenting. However, what I see going wrong is, parents show what they think is best not exposing their true struggle. Life is hard. Kids are small adults. The package is different but the emotions are the same. Model what to do. Failure is a tough one. Let me share an example with you. A single mom who recently came to Christ. She now views her parenting in a different light. She feels like a failure. She knows her children are old enough to see the old patterns and new ways. 

Everyone experiences failure. Man, it hurts to fail in front of your children. What a teachable moment. You want them to remember this is how it was and once you identify the problem you make goals to change it. Failure is not the end of the sentence.  Instead, put a comma. Show your child the difference Jesus can make in your life. Read the Bible together and create a strategy for change to line up with His word. I guarantee your child will gain respect and lifelong tools for success. Is that failure?  No way. 

EFFECTIVE PRAYERS FOR MY ADULT CHILDREN

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My mom always said God paid more attention to a mother’s prayer. I don’t know if that is true but I sure liked the sound of it. Momming is hard stuff. A mother can scope out a creepy boyfriend, a clingy girlfriend, or trouble a mile away. The internet has been our worst nightmare and best advocate for snooping. Let’s be honest ladies! I have some girlfriends that could work for the CIA. 

The most powerful tool we have is prayer. You are equipped to send your child out the door on their own with the Almighty God on their side. Can you think of a better bodyguard?

God can be where you can’t. God can bring light into darkness. 

You raised this kid and he/she might test the bounds but in their minds somewhere is all the sayings you had. When they go somewhere they know they shouldn’t be, they hear your voice.

Here is a list of my favorite topics of prayers for my big babies (I meant to do that)!

  • Ask their heart to be set on Christ. Salvation is the number one prayer for any child who might be on the fence.
  • Pray for their safety. Ask the Lord to send His angels to surround them.
  • Pray that if they do wrong, they are found out. Consequences are a great teacher.
  • Pray they remember who they are, a child of God. They are worthy, valuable, and precious in His eyes.
  • Pray God’s will over their life. Allow God to take the wheel.
  • Pray in the dark of night they feel God’s presence reassuring them.
  • Pray for their relationships to be fruitful ones. Friends who help them grow. Friends or other relationships that foster their faith.
  • Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring strong conviction and guidance.
  • Ask for them to have wisdom and discernment.
  • Pray their dating relationships draw them closer to God and God’s will. 
  • Pray for their future spouse and their relationship to Christ. 
  • Pray that they know and feel the love of God.

Download a free printable of these prayers by clicking on the download button below to keep in your Bible or where you can readily access.

Printable Praying Effective PrayersDownload

Do I Share My Past With My Kids?

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This topic has come up more than any others in conversations with other moms of teens. I value the truth. Do you remember being their age? Man, I would not repeat those years. I was so insecure and had more questions than answers. I wondered how my parents were? How did they do at some of these temptations? I knew right from wrong. When everyone is doing this or that staying pure in actions seems old school or impossible. Parents just don’t understand!!!

A problem is parents tell kids what they want them to do, not how they navigated those rough waters. Kids ultimately want to please their parents. These youths are not perfect and neither are we. 

I chose to share with my kids my flaws. I have told them things of which I was ashamed. I told stories that were hard to say. Not only did I state the facts, I added the emotional regret that comes with poor choices.  This is a great segway to the Bible. Kids want to know why not just no. 

There is a time and place to say “because I said so.”  Not here. My children were at the edge of their seats when I shared my sin. I gave insight to excuses I made why it was okay. At this point, I share what God says and how His Word cannot only keep us pure but live a life with no regrets. Some things just can’t be undone. The open dialogue was a good foundation for the following years. Kids want our advice but they want to trust you to tell the truth. Respect goes both ways. I know it’s hard to see your sin through their eyes but you want to be their advocate, not their boss. Life is hard. We all need a soft place to fall.

PARENTING YOUR HALF GROWN KIDS

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No one prepared me for this part of parenting. Sister, I don’t know about you, but this stage is hard! When asked to introduce myself I share that I am married and have three half-grown kiddos. The punchline is two are legally adults but they don’t always act like it. How do you balance giving advice but not suffocating them?

I feel my kids cringing, as I type. And yes, if you wonder, they will read this blog. “How sweet that they read your content,” you say, no, they will read so they can bring it up! The half-grown love a good argument!

A constant prayer has been for the Lord to allow me to parent like Him. I ask to know when to hold close and when to let go. When they are little it’s easier to know because they will say exactly what they need. Hold me! Let me do it! When they get big they want to do it themselves but will not ask for help if it kills them. Inside they can be crumbling and out of their mouths, “gosh mom, I am fine, quit making a big deal of everything!” 

I am in the midst of this season, so this blog can be taken with a grain of salt. 

My husband and I survived a prodigal.  I thought we would never survive. It’s that heartache and struggle from which I now parent.  

I have some truths under my belt now. This is a short list of my go-to truths in this season of life. Are you with me, momma? We can get through this!

  • God is faithful. Our job is to plant the seed. 
  • Live by example.
  • Let go of little things. There are so many little things and to each one this is defined differently. For me the clean bedroom is not so important. Lying is a big deal. I focus on building trust.
  • They are listening, always listening.  Important life lessons can be taught in conversation better than corrective times. When they share what their friends are doing for example.
  • Ask questions, get them thinking. Our children are smarter than we give them credit.
  • Trust your instincts. If you think something is wrong it probably is. Try to chase them down and hug them. Just reassure, don’t pry. 
  • Let them have their secrets. You don’t need to know everything, momma. When they share shocking information-don’t freak out!!! 
  • Spend time their way. Text, facetime or lay on their bed. Time is precious. Remember “Cats In The Cradle” song by Harry Chapman Carpenter?
  • Remember God knew who you were and what you are capable of when He gave you this child. You’ve got this! Don’t be a friend, be mom, it’s time to transition to a big kid mom and that takes time.

My prodigal came home. God is faithful. Parenting is a challenge at every stage. Sometimes I just want to go back to laying on the floor playing tractors. It felt simple. Now, its late-night conversations. It’s all good!

HOW TO LOVE A PORCUPINE

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Let’s be honest some people are hard to love. We all have someone in our life who is a fun sucker! As Christians, we are called to love. How do you love a porcupine? The answer is very carefully… and that is not a punchline, it is truth. The caution is for you.

If you love a porcupine, you are going to get hurt. You can however set yourself up to express love without having to do first aid after each encounter. 

If your porcupine is not a forever relationship for example a spouse, parent, or child, then pray if you are supposed to have a relationship with this person. You could be setting yourself up for misery. Not everyone is our mission. Remember Jesus didn’t heal every person He encountered. He walked past some and went out of His way for others.

Do you want to know why? He knew in whom He would make a difference. 

Not everyone wants help. Those people will suck you dry if you are not cautious. Believe me, I feel like an expert in this area. My husband says I am a magnet to these challenging folks. Don’t get me wrong here, all people are worthy and loved by God. Not all people are our mission. I wasted a lot of time and energy or friendships that did nothing for them and left me exhausted. 

So, what’s a girl to do? Well, Jesus loving girls, I got ya! If this is a forever relationship, love them like crazy with good healthy boundaries. Here are my tips for loving and staying sane.

  • You decide when to see them. Prepare to see them. Know it will be all about them and be okay with that. 
  • When the conversation goes south, get out! Prepare in advance a way to end the conversation. Keep time short and sweet. 
  •  Do not give advice unless you are asked. Just listen! It is most likely all they want. You can listen without emotionally involving yourself in a rescue effort. 
  •  Do not argue. This type of person may love to argue. I do not, however. Let them be right.  It won’t hurt you. They will not be as excited when you don’t feed the fire. 
  • Talk about non-confrontational topics. The weather or a television program doesn’t typically engage emotions. 
  • Show love. Express love. Pray for them and tell them you will. 
  • Do what you’re able to do within your boundaries that you set for yourself.
  • Be their personal prayer warrior, not 911 operator. You do not have to pick up the telephone each time it rings. You have voicemail.

You’ve got this!!!! I believe in you. We are called to love all. We are not supposed to be their savior. Jesus is their savior. Point them to Jesus. Pray for God to give you wisdom on boundary setting. It took me many years to get to this point, but I am so much happier. I have peace!

7 Tips For Great Friendships

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  1. Define what you want from the relationship. Is this a close friendship or a good-time gal?
  2. Listen to who they tell you they are. Often people reveal who they really are in the stories they tell and how they view the world. We overlook this material. This will come back to bite you. If they were hurt by an ex-friend that didn’t check on them every day… this perhaps should be a pause to develop a deep relationship with this person.
  3. Don’t expect what someone cannot give. If you know your friend is a gossip, do not expect your secrets to be any different. You can still be friends, just be careful.
  4. Do not give more than you can comfortably give. A common mistake is doing more in the beginning of a relationship, then becoming burned out. If a relationship is work, it might not be right.
  5. Declare what your priorities are. My gal pals know God comes first. If God tells me “no” I am not going to be involved. My spouse is important. He will always win my time. When this is said upfront it is never a threat to the relationship. 
  6. Never jeopardize your values. Any friend who asks you to engage in something you are uncomfortable with is not a true friend. Read that statement again.  
  7. Never change for a relationship. You be you! Take it or leave it! If change needs to happen change for you. It is okay to change. Change is part of life. There are times my friends influence me for good. I seek that value for my life. I do not change so they will like me.

Q: How can we reach young people today who are growing disinterested in religion?

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A: Another great question.  Each generation poses its own challenges. I would agree that ever before there is a disinterest in traditional religion. However, it is never hopeless. God is never outdated. I would like to share with you a few things to keep in mind as you attempt to relate to today’s young people. 

  1. All humans no matter what their age or background seek basic needs.  If you can tap into those needs as points of conversation you may capture their attention. These needs are purpose, belonging, acceptance and love.
  • Purpose: Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is the purpose of life? These great questions have answers. Rick Warren’s book, “Purpose Driven Life” tackles this topic.  Genesis provides the answers to why we are here-we were made in the image of God(God created man in his own image Gen 1:27). What is the purpose of life-God wanted a relationship with his creation(John 1:5, Rom 8:28).  Our purpose is to fulfill our calling(Jer 29:11, Jer 1:5, Ps 139:13). 
  • Belonging: We all seek to belong to something. We seek relationships to belong(Duet 7:9, 1 John 4:9-11, Gen 2:18). We belong in the family of God. We belong with our creator. We belong in our families because God brought us into this world at this time with these people. 
  • Acceptance: God loves us when we were yet sinners(Rom. 5:8). God accepts us just like we are(1 John 4:19). To accept a person is not to agree with their lifestyle but to get past the difference of opinion and see the person(Prov. 17:17).  
  • Love: We need love to survive. Babies who do not connect to another human will not survive.  Love covers a multitude of sins. They(Unbelievers) will know us(Believers) by our love(1 John 4:7-8,)

2. It is normal for young people to find their own way. They need to ask questions and figure it out for themselves.  It is important to be patient with this process. God doesn’t need our help. We need not defend the Gospel. If you live the Gospel people will be attracted to you and want to know more. Our best efforts are spent working on self and loving others. Love speaks louder than any amount of knowledge. Pray that for them. Pray the truth will be given to them. Pray for their experiences to draw them closer to the Lord. 

3. Religion is never appealing. Let’s just be honest. Religion is rules and standards.  That is what makes Christianity different, it is categorized as a religion but its a relationship with Christ that is fulfilling. In fact, religion turns people off. Some believe it is something that is a crutch.  That is because they have never experienced Christ.  Only God can bring truth and conviction. 

4. Technology is a barrier and a blessing. With advancements in technology, people are connecting with devices not in person.  It is not as common to hang out at each others homes. Therefore they have church at their fingertips. They can talk to whomever they chose in seconds. Facetime makes it possible to even see their face. It is a barrier. However, the beauty is they have church available 24/7. People can reach out for help in seconds. God can use it for His glory. it is not uncommon for someone to be scrolling through their phone and hear or see something that makes them stop and listen to a teaching video or prayer. My ministry is purposeful to use technology to bring connections and build relationships.  Wednesday in the Word is a short bible study that covers one chapter each week of the Bible. I allow people to submit questions and comments. We can have Bible study before work right at our kitchen tables. On Thursdays, I do live prayer. I receive prayer requests and personally lift them up so they can hear and left others up. We are able to connect in spirit and agree in prayer-POWERFUL!!! God is never limited by technology. God is never out of date. 

I hope that is an encouragement to you. Show your belief in God. Live out the Gospel and Love beyond measure!!!!!